Monday, November 2, 2009

Funny Law School Things...

Law School is pretty damn funny sometimes. Ask anyone. Well any law student that is. I'm getting close to finishing my first year, so I thought I'd take some time to expound upon some of the funny shit that I've come across so far. Of course, as my normal disclaimer goes, you may not think it's funny, but fuck off, because I do. It's my blog. And we're walking....

Ok, so from the get go- like literally the very day I moved into my apartment- I was told that the kids here at Dayton were uber competitive and there had been some issues with people stealing papers and books and reserving rooms in the library for indefinite time periods...blah blah blah. At first the competitive stuff was non-existent, but I'll get to that later.

The library room thing is totally true and totally pisses me off. But then again I don't study much in the library because it's like fucking social hour and you can't even hear yourself think. All summer it was just my class. We were quiet, courteous, and downright helpful. Then the rest of the law school came back and all hell broke lose. I'm not saying my class is perfect, but shit people, aren't libraries like universally known for being quiet? I'm gonna say yes, because MTV says yes also. (Haven't you all seen silent library?) --->

I actually wouldn't mind putting this one certain kid on a spit rod and shoving an apple in his mouth. At least he'd be quiet for fivve freaking minutes. There is seriously no way this kid gets any work done. (I'd post a photo, but even if I went for something close to represent him- we'd all know who he is.) So, "Chuckles" always seems to sit a table away from me. Maybe I just always seem to sit a table away from him, but I've been here longer, so senority counts! After he empties his backpack/bookbag (whatever you want to call it, please don't comment how I don't say the right thing, because I'm over it) and makes a flippin' scene dropping shit and busting out laughing, he finally composes himself enough to 'adjust himself' *again* and sits down. I think guy must be the life of the party because as soon as he sits down the laughing starts. He's throwing paper at girls across the table. Writing in the margins of their books, etc. I want to smack him. The other day I was sitting down working on Contracts when the "hushed" laughter morphs into a full-on loud ass laughter that makes even those with headphones look up. You'd think that'd be enough. Ok assclown, you've made even those people whose music is so loud I can groove to it from across the room, look up from their books. That's enough. Oh no, it's not enough. Chuckles and his crew put their heads down and try to stifle the sound but to no avail. I guess they thought that they made a valiant effort, and that's all that was expected of them for one day, because they just kept going. So I do the only mature thing I know how to do- I take out my headphones and turn around in my seat and give that fucker the stink eye. This wasn't just your average stink eye- this is the death-stare-stink-eye. The kind of stink eye that you take home with you, and while cowering under your covers clutching your teddy bear, you wonder if your life is a stake. He immediately shut up and began packing up his shit. I doubt it was really because of me alone. I'm sure the weight of the other 50+ eyes in the room gave him a pretty clear indication that he was not wanted. Anyways, I thought that was pretty darn cool.

Ok so onto the competitive bullshit. It really wasn't that big of a deal until grades came out. The week after grades are issued is hilarious. I personally don't ask how others did. I don't care, I genuinely hope everyone does well and is happy- maybe that doesn't bode well for job placement, but still, I'm a nice person. Maybe I'll change my mind, but as long I am happy with how I did, then that's all that matters. I guess there might be some tactful way to ask someone how they did.... actually unless they're close friends and you're genuinely concerned, there is not tactful way. Grades are private. The end. SO... we go the entire summer playing nice and having a good time. No shitty attitudes or anything, like I was warned about. Then the night we got our grades it was like a junior high dance with al the awkward kids on opposite sides of the room wondering who was going to make the first move and ask someone to dance to get the ball rolling. Well somone broke the ice and i'm not kidding, within minutes of hearing the news that our grades were online, I got four text messages asking how I did. Of those, two I know were from good friends, genuinely asking without any malice. I didn't answer any of them, because again it's not a big deal. But it was just funny that I got texts from people I didn't even talk to. I got to school Monday morning, or whatever day it was, and people weren't saying much. I thought, "Ok cool. That's nice that people are just being cool about it and not trying to figure out everyone's ranking and stuff. These are cool, calm, folks." Annnnnd.... welcome to Day Two- person X asks person Y (not ME), "So, you can tell me if you did worse than me. It's not a big deal." Seriously..... then there comments to the effect of, "I did really well, I figured I did, so I'm just glad I thought right." Good for you. Really, good for you. *salt on wound* That wasn't as bad as stuff like, "I'm definitely going to work on ____ because I want to make sure I do better than you next semester" or "Did you hear about ____, they did terrible. I doubt they even studied." Seriously people? In the words of Stefanie Tanner, how rude! I just wanted to know where my cool people went. And to be fair, it was only about 6-7 people who were saying comments like this. The majority- or the people with enough sense to not ask about something as private as grades- kept their mouths shut. I think asking people about grades is equivalent to asking someone how their yearly physical went. "No I don't know what it's like to turn my head and cough, can you explain that to me?"

Ok so my Crim Pro class is the perfect example of competitive bullshit. All in all, the class is interesting and I like the professor. However I refer to my 9:30-10:20's on TWTH as a "pissing match" because no one is nice in there. There are shitty comments flying all over the place. I have yet to raise my hand in there because I'm scared someone is going to talk down to me like a five year old. There are about 8-10 people who do the majority of the talking. When someone says something, you can bet your life there is someone else waiting to interject and tell them they're way off base or they don't agree because of ____. There's one guy, who I'll refer to as the "guy who talks out of the side of his mouth".... not figuratively- he literally talks out of the side of his mouth. He always talks in this drawn out tone like he being bothered, but "simply must object because it is obvious that this case clearly outlines the reasons the fourth amendment was so important....anyone can see that the conduct of ____ was completely a violation of this guy's rights. I mean are we really going to use that statement as a valid argument? It's say very plainly on page 235 that the law safeguards......"......snoooorrreeeee. *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Here's another example- a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in class trying to ignore my bleeding ears when a girl made a comment about internet usage and privacy. Her statement was entirely valid, it was not stupid or off-topic, but this guy sitting two seats over from me blurts out in the middle of her sentence, some snide remark and then scoffs like she was a complete peon for having the gaul to even address the class. Well on top of his interruption, I don't know what happened to me, but I've got an issue with word vomit- I can't control it, and I just look at him and say, "You're an asshole. Everyone in this class is fucking rude. I can't believe the way people talk to each other in here. Fucking ridiculous!" I don't know how loud it was, but I got a few bouts of laughter from the back row. Honestly though, what gives you the right to interrupt someone? This is a class, not court (behavior like that wouldn't fly in court either, bub). No one is impressed by your voice, although you seem to be. Fuckhat.... haven't you heard of Robert's Rules of Order or whatever? I know I interrupted his comment, but I'm not taking that back. That kid was rude..... more rude than I was.

Another funny thing about law school is the overused words. People seem to use the same words over and over again. I do it too and everytime I say "essentially" or "going off of what ___ said" or "piggyback". (What the hell is a piggyback anyway?) I want to smack myself. I bet if I counted how many times "essentially" was said during one week I'd be exhausted. I'm making fun of myself here too, so back off if you think I'm pointing to anyone person. "Essentially" is a great word. I just feel that people think it gives them standing or makes them seem smarter just by its mere utterance. "Essentially, the court held....." Well yes, I can read. It says right there, "the court held that the defendant violated the statute." My favorite use of "essentially" occurs when someone tries to discuss a case that they totally didn't read. It usually goes something like this:

Prof: Ok, insert name, what do you think about the agreement in this case? Was it a contract and was it enforceable?
Student: Um... well.... *flipping pages* This was a case about a promise.... involved a wholesaler and a person who buys wheat. And essentially the contract was to buy wheat from the wholesaler, but the wholesaler didn't give the wheat to buyer, essentially the court held that there was a contract.
Prof: yes, I can read, and I actually read this case several times. You still haven't told me if there was an enforceable contract...was there?
Student: Oh right, yeah well I mean there was an agreement.... *flips pages*
Prof: Ok.... There weren't any definite terms though were there?
Student: well umm... yes they were going to sell wheat.
Prof: If you had to pick another answer.....
Student: ughhh there was a contract?

Granted, this professor makes all of us scared to say anything- he has this knack for making you second guess the formulation of any basic sentence- there's a noun, an adjective, some verbs...what no? No nouns. No nouns. Commas....umm present participle? Yeah that sounds good! No..... ugh...essentially you have a noun. Then your subject and verb agree? Or disagree? Shit. But honestly, I cringe when I say "essentially" I'm trying to get it out of my vocabulary, along with the word "like" I've been working on "like" for about five years, so I'm a work in progress. It's just funny that we all revert back to "essentially" and "like."

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